Stuck in a Rut

 There hasn't been a lot of posting because there hasn't been anything, in my opinion, to talk about. I get up, go to work, come back and sleep a coma. It's been the same old same old nothing seems new and fascinating and cool any more. Perhaps that is where the problem is, I am stuck in a rut.

  It's not like things aren't happening around me, but perhaps the problem is lately the same old issues keeping popping up and they never seem to get fixed. I have been reading a book written by a nurse, her story spans from the mid 1980's to present day and it was stunning to see that even in another country and another time that the nurses are plagued by the same problems we are to this day. It was both affirming and frustrating to see, it was nice to know that it wasn't just my unit or this city that these problems keep cropping up. At the same time it is frustrating to know that we, as nurses, have been fighting with the same issues for over twenty years!

  I'm not sure what the right Tx for this little "mood" I am finding myself in lately. I've been trying as hard as I can to separate myself from work when I am not there, which is challenging when your phone is ringing everyday with messages from staffing cheerfully asking if you could find some way to work just one more night. 

  A friend at work gave me a little bit of cynical advice, "Take care of yourself because in the end you are all you have to rely on and no one is going to do it for you." A little mercenary, but when I sat down to think about it she was right. I see it everyday, the bewildered spouse who suddenly finds themselves hovering over a loved ones bed in my unit. How many times have I gently told that person that they should go home and take care of themselves while we take care of their loved. I know what my friend is saying is in the end we all need to know how to rely on ourselves. There is no crime in leaning on a friend or spouse, but to be able to stand on your own when needed.

  So I'm taking her advice and finding better ways to take care of myself. The first step to that is turning off the ringer on my phone, and picking up a good book and a cup of coffee. After I get done with my book, I'll try and figure out the rest of the plan.

Hello, Is It Me You Are Looking For?

  Yep, it's been a little while.  I can't say that I am sorry for being away from my computer for so long, there have unfortunately been a ton of things that have taken priority lately, but I am glad to be back.

   The New Year came and went for me almost un-noticed  in the midst of a couple crazy nights on the unit, short staffed and crazier then usual and it has been full steam ahead ever since then. It seems like there hasn't been a night I've had off that my phone hasn't rang with Staffing begging for some help. Some nights I've had the energy and the mental fortitude to do it, other nights I have literally ignored the phone all together and deleted the message without listening to it. 

  With the new year has come new challenges and goals, I am, according to my charge nurse,  no longer a newbie nurse and I have been pushed to step up to the plate and accept more challenging assignments and more responsibility on the unit. My director has also echoed the sentiment by pushing me to write for my Critical Care Certification. I am now staring at a dauntingly large pile of books that sit here next to my computer. Contained in these pages are all the knowledge that is somehow supposed to reside in the head of a CCRN and I am expected to somehow cram it all in there and NOT lose an ounce of it. 

  It is funny because I don't feel any wiser, stronger or smarter yet and I keep waiting for that magical moment when everything will click and I will know  that I have it "all down pat", then at the weirdest times I have a sudden moment where it feels like I am standing outside of my body watching myself. It's at these times that I watch my hands move smoothly through the task at hand and it hits me, I see just how far I have come in this past year. I have learned by watching the people around me that in nursing you can never know everything, a good nurse never has "everything down pat". The real skill is to learn how to learn and adapt.

  So there is a ton of "firsts" still to come and I look forward to everything that has yet to happen and is still to come. So onward and upward as they say.