Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Separation Anxiety

  Do you ever throw a resume at your dream job? Even when you know you are horribly under qualified, you'll never get an interview and you just don't stand a chance of even getting looked at?

  Well you should.

  I did just that recently. I had no interest in really leaving my place of work, I have friends there and have been taking on more and more responsibility. All in all things have been good. Then one day one of those stupid job websites sent me an alert to tell me that a hospital very close to me had an opening in the Trauma ICU. I have always wanted to work in trauma and on a whim I threw my resume at it.

  A week later the craziest thing happened, I was offered an interview and then I was offered the position. My dream job.

  Now I'm into my last week at work and I am going through some serious separation anxiety. I know this is the right thing to do, Trauma Hospital is 10 minutes from my door and it ends a 35 minute commute. I now have the opportunity to go back for my Bachelors and be more of a presence in committees. It also means I have more time for me. 

  So why am I so sad?

 I have all I could want coming to me and yet as I walk through the halls at work I am often hit with waves of sadness when I realize that soon I won't be be taking the familiar strolls down the faded halls that I have come to call my home away from home. When I see the familiar faces I have come to call my other family I have sometime felt suddenly lonely knowing that they will not be there anymore. Yes we fight and get on each others nerves, but I have grown to love everyone and to count on them in a crisis personal or work related.

  Don't get me wrong, I am giddy with excitement, but it's almost like that first day of High-school. You are so happy to be moving up in the world, and yet are so over come with all the "what-ifs" that it can be paralyzing. 

  What if no one likes me?  
  What if I hate it?
  What if I screw up?

  In the back of my mind I know that my safety net will be gone, all the relationships developed over 3 years will no longer be there, all of the security of knowing exactly what to do will be replaced with uncertainty.

 Yep, exactly like the first day of high-school.

  But just like the first day, there is no going back, no running and hiding. The best I can do is make those of me that I am leaving behind proud. I can only take what everyone taught me,all the knowledge and skills they passed on to me and do my best, and learn again.

  So as I say my good byes to, with each hug I give and receive, I make a promise.

"I will do my best and never forget where I came from"





7 comments:

  1. Very exciting but yeah leaving a safety net is hard

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  2. I totally understand your sentiments. It's all but very normal. I am also a newbie-been a nurse for 6 years.I have transferred to 3 different areas. I tell you, each area is an introduction to the next. It only teaches you to be a stronger, smarter, ,a better nurse and person overall. Good luck and you'll do great.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement. It's very nerve wracking going from a very small low acuity ICU to a Trauma unit with very high acuity. The good thing is the staff know where I am coming from and are willing to teach, I'm willing to learn. Just really going to miss my friends, it sucks having to leave my hospital

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  4. I feel like I'll be throwing a net of impossibility when I graduate.

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