Do You Know Where Your Urethra Is?

I found this video trolling on Facebook today, it is both hilarious and profound.

I think every nurse both new and old should watch this and take a trip down memory lane.

Dreams

Last night I had this weird half waking dream.

I'd half wake up and think to myself,

"OMG the monitor in this room is not working!

There are no vital signs on this patient,

is he alive or dead?!?"

Then realize that I am in my own bedroom,

there is no dying patient,

and go back sleep.

This happened several times last night,

can you tell I have had crashing patients A LOT lately?

The Things Left in the ER

  Worked the other night in the ER, it was a typical night of babies with runny noses, tummy aches and bug bites. So I wasn't overly surprised to hear from one of our visitors that they were bitten by a spider, nor was I surprised that they had captured the spider and brought it in a bottle for us to see so we could determine whether it was the poisonous kind. Turns out that it was a wolf spider, a pretty harmless spider that would leave you with a bite that would hurt but with no danger to the patient. PA No-Bullshit was on and he had them in and out in less than an hour much to our delight.

 A few minutes after they left I hear a shriek from the room and go running, I see the housekeeper pointing in horror to a water bottle that had been tossed on the floor and had rolled under the bed. The bottle containing the, still live, spider. 

  Now seriously, first off who the heck just leaves their junk lying around for someone else to clean up? And secondly who the heck just leaves a live spider in a bottle on the floor for someone else to clean up?

  Seriously, 

I wonder about people like that...and what their homes must look like.

No spiders were harmed in this ER visit.

The spider was released alive and well into

it's natural habitat, outside the hospital.

Sunday Funnies

                                                                                                     Source: teenage.cz via Chanda on Pinterest

                                                          Too true!

Full Moon

Yep, 

it's a full moon weekend.

Guess who is working this weekend.

Shoot me.

It's Flu Season

  It's the time of the year again where, even in the middle of the desert, the air is getting cooler. If you live in more hospitable parts of the country you are seeing leaves change and sweaters are being broken out. Here it seems we have just finally shaken off the summer's death grip on the city and are looking forward to temperature's that fall below 100 degrees. The weather is finally nice enough that one can go outside without suffering from immediate heat stroke so it was hard for me to accept that it is that time of year again, flu season.

  My wake up call came in the bathroom the other night, pinned up on the wall with the other "must read" stuff was the schedule of Employee Health's distribution of flu shots. I sat there staring at the sheet thinking to myself that we just got over summer, how could it be that time again?  Now every patient coming into our unit must be screened for vaccination and offered a flu shot upon admission, gone are the months where that part of the charting was gleefully finished by checking the "not flu season" box and that was that. 

  Later that evening one of our two new Hosptialist's came down into the unit to look over some patients and write some orders. New Hospitalist #1 suddenly looks up and scans the nurses in the unit and sidles up to an RT and asks which nurse in the unit gives the best shot. Turns out that New Hospitalist #1 needs his flu shot and is a total wuss about taking them. Big mistake, never show weakness in front of a bunch of nurses they will have WAY too much fun with that. So we spent the next 20 minutes suggesting nurses:

  "Oh hey how about the Charge Nurse, she's been doing this for 30 years. I'm sure she gives a good shot, she's blind as a bat, but hey you only need to feel the muscle right?"

Hysterical laughter

  "How about the House Supervisor? He can do it, he hasn't given a shot in years but I bet it's like riding a bike, you never really forget."

More laughter mostly directed at the freaked out expression on New Hospitalist #1's face.

"How about IV Nurse, he drops an IV really well so I bet he gives a great shot. Just don't make him nervous or else his hands will start shaking worse than an alcoholic in DT's."

  At this point New Hospitalist #1 hands the syringe and needle to me and tell's me to give him the injection with a hopeful expression on his face that plainly says "the cute quiet one looks like a safe choice". More hysterical laughter ensues at this point, New Hospitalist #1 looks confused as to why his choice would elicit such a reaction, so I figured I'd clue him in.

  "They think it's hysterical that you asked the nurse with the least amount of experience to give you the shot."

  Confused, concerned expression

 "How many years of experience do you have?"

 More laughter

 "None at this point, I'll be done a year in December. You got a totally newbie"

 Quick poke, the guy must work out, he has great deltoids.

"Ok, so are you going to give me the shot or what?"

 I show New Hospitalist #1 the empty syringe and the engaged safety on the needle, then toss it into the sharps bin, while he tries to figure out how and when I stuck him since he obviously didn't feel it. 

  The rest of the night I walked with a little bit of swagger in my step, just a little.

  

Sunday Morning Funnies

                                                                                        Source: doccartoon.blogspot.com via Chanda on Pinterest

Staycation

  After working four nights in a row sometimes I need is a little holiday from work.

Ask and ye shall receive apparently.

Coming home to made bed and mints on the pillows 

was awesome.

It's great to have a hubby with a sense of humor.

Pediatrics

  The other night I had the cutest kid in the ED, now you all know I'm not a huge kid person but I swear this child was a better patient than any of my adults that night. He had a painful injury that required us to transfer him out to a pediatric hospital and sat there smiling at me the entire time he was in my care. The little fellow even gulped down a decent dose of oral meds that, from the smell, I'm not sure I would have been able to take in one swallow.

  When the ambulance crew came in to take my buddy, the little fellow suddenly burst into tears and began sobbing. I was taken aback at the tears since he had been so cheerful all night.

  "He buddy whats wrong? These guys are going to take you for a ride in the ambulance, I thought you were excited about that."

  The little fellow looked up at me and sniffled, "But I want to stay here with YOU! You're nice!"

  I think my heart melted a little right then.

  After a couple minutes we had my buddy on the stretcher, giggling and waving good bye, asking the driver if he was going to put on the lights and siren as he was being wheeled out. Every once in a while a patient puts a smile on your face, my little buddy gave me one that lasted most of the night.

Sunday Morning Funnies

These are about the cutest cookies ever!

Found on Friend a Nurse

I think I'm going to make some then next time a group of us need to re-cert for ACLS.

The person who can identify the rhythm correctly gets to eat the cookie!

I'm Sexy and I Know It

  The last shift in the ER I was working with one of my favorite PA's. He's the "no bullshit" kind of guy who has a ton of sympathy for anyone with a real complaint, but anyone looking for a refill on their Dilaudid isn't going to get very far with him. No Bullshit has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that matches nicely with mine so when we work together we make one hell of a team.

  That night we had a fellow in with an injury to his male organs that was truly legit. No Bullshit ordered an application of a numbing agent to the effected area. As I was pulling the stuff out he looks over at me and says; 

  "Hey you want to give that over to one of the guy's?"

  I look at him a little confused, "I'm a nurse I can handle looking a a guys thingy."

  He laughs, "Yeah well how about we make the fellow feel more comfortable? It's kind of embarrassing to have that kind of injury and then to have a hottie nurse handling your junk."

  "Oh I'm a hottie am I? Is that what you think of me?"
  
  "You're a hottie and you know it. Now go give Grandma over there a shot of antibiotics."

  This is why I love working with No Bullshit, 

we always end up having a good laugh.

"I'm too sexy for my scrubs."

Being a Nurse Has Made Me Better At....

  I used to roll my eyes every time one of my instructors gave the class the "nursing isn't just a profession  it's a lifestyle" speech. Right, how on earth was learning about drip rates and lab values going to change my life? Amazingly they were right, here are a few ways being a nurse has changed my life.

Cooking

I used to be the worlds worst cook. Honestly, ask my husband, I have given him food poisoning on several occasions. My cookies always came out looking like tiny cakes and my cakes came out flat as a pancake. 

  So what changed? First, I finally have a handle on measurements, Remember all those seemingly pointless conversions they made us do in first semester, how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon, how many mL's are in an ounce? Now instead of trying to guesstimate how much something is, I actually do a real conversion. Guess what, that 1/4 teaspoon REALLY does make a difference. 

  Second, I learned to be patient. I was always poking at whatever was in the oven, flipping things constantly on the grill or popping the lid off the pot. Now I have learned things need time, just like you can't rush a patient into taking their meds or giving you that urine sample you needed an hour ago, you can't rush food into being done. 

  I also learned that timing and time management in cooking is pretty much the same as in nursing. When I begin my night I sit down and look at what meds I have to give and when, I look at my timed lab draws and plan out when I'm going to do things and cluster my care so that I am in the room disturbing that patient as little as possible. Cooking requires the same skill, what can be in the oven at the same time, when to start cooking what so that everything is ready at the same time. Now that I have mastered this you rarely see overcooked meat being served with under cooked sides anymore. My husband has never said anything, but I notice that he's asking for seconds now.

Babysitting

This one should go without saying or surprise, but it still caught me off guard. I have never really had a love for kids, as can be seen by my lack of them, but I was also never really good at entertaining them or controlling them. Perhaps this was due to a lack of interest. 

  Working an ED will teach you that the best way to keep a kids parent from bugging you is to keep their kids from bugging them. Because of this I always keep a small box in my locker full of crayons, cheap coloring books and stickers, and yes it's all bought by me with my own cash that's how much I value my sanity. Now when I head out to spend time with friend and kids I always toss one of the "sanity packs" into my purse, it's amazing how long  4 crayons and some stickers will keep a little one happy. My friends seem to think it's funny that the gal with no kids always is prepared for them.

  Oh yeah and I've learned kids aren't dumb, not even the little ones, so don't treat them like it. In the hospital they know exactly what is coming, so I never lie and tell them it won't hurt when it will and I never try the ambush tactics some nurses think actually works. When I'm around kids that I am not treating I have learned to apply that principle too, I talk to them, guess what a couple questions directed at the kiddos over lunch generally leads to less screaming for attention, go figure. If the screaming does occur I have learned that a well controlled tone of voice goes WAY further than yelling, just like with the patients, honestly kids and patients aren't all that different in the end , they just want to be treated like people and included. Weird huh?

    Complaining

  I've always had plenty to say and never held back in delight or in displeasure, but nursing has taught me there is an art to doing it right. In the past I have been know to just go off and heaven help anyone in my way, now I've learned to do it better.

  Meaning what? For starters I usually take a moment to step away from the problem, take a deep breath and compose myself, just like I do when I want  to tell a patient what an unreasonable jerk they are being but instead explain with a sweet smile on my face that the reason I can't give them any food is because they are going to have surgery in the AM and you can have food in your tummy when that happens in case you throw up, aspirate and die. I use that moment to order my thoughts in a logical manner so that I sound like a reasonable person not a raving lunatic, astonishingly it gets you way further.

  I also learned to take the mail to the right address. I no longer complain to the poor sod at the cash register for the long wait, he/she is probably just as ticked off about having no help, but you betcha I will take it up with the manager. Just like I hate fielding complaints over things I have no control over, I bet anyone else hates it too.

  So yes I will give my instructors their dues and say, yes they were right. There is something about being a nurse that changes you, it gets into your blood and you will never really be the same person you were before you started. 

  What has nursing taught you?

Off the Charts

 Going through the order set for my new admit last night I got a good giggle. The Doc's orders read as such;


   "Continue all drips from ED. Infuse 1 unit packed red blood cells. Schedule GI Bleed for AM"


  We all had a good laugh, and when I called the Doc to clarify I couldn't help resist asking him what time he wanted the patients GI bleed to be scheduled for. He was a good sport about it.


#chartingblunders

That Little Rat!

Walking by my living room window yesterday this is 

what I happened to see.

I was under the impression that I was feeding the birds.

Guess I will need to get a trap now.

Personally, I think he's kinda cute.

You Know You're A Nurse When....

  You know you are nurse when you are cleaning up a scratch on your own leg and begin looking around for a pair of gloves to put on when you are going to throw away the bloody gauze you used to clean the scratch and you have to remind yourself, 


"Hey that's my blood, it's OK to touch it"


 And you still pick it up like you're going to catch something from it.


Good habits die hard huh?

Lost in Translation

  
  I floated over to the ED yesterday to get a quick orientation to the area since they are low on staff the ICU nurses will be lending a hand. They sent me over to fast track which is mostly handing out Tylenol, assessing sick babies and looking at weird rashes. 


  Since I was just getting my bearing they gave me the easiest of all things to do, discharge instructions. Basically take the printed papers, prescriptions and discharge papers to the patient run through them and walk them to the window. Easy right?


  One of the patients I was sent to discharge only spoke Spanish which is a bit of a problem since I speak about 5 words. But what the heck I'm always willing to give it my best shot. Armed with Spanish instructions I headed in and gave the fellow his papers. He glanced over the instructions and nodded in understanding. 


Great. 


  Now for the prescriptions, I hand him those and tell him to take them to his " farmacia ". I must have the worst accent in the world because the fellow looked panicked and says " Por que Policia?"


  Poor fellow thought I was sending him and his scripts to the police. Yikes. I quickly cleared up that misunderstanding by explaining it was a script for his "medicina" He got it eventually, but it looked like he left in an awful hurry, not that I blame him.


Everyone had a good laugh at me that night.

Blood Bank Humor

Do you figure that is a "dine in" or "take out"?

Found on George Takei's Facebook page. 

Lunch Time Humor

OMG I need one of these!

Organ Transport Lunch Cooler $19.99 at thinkgeek.com

Sex Ed Starts In the Baby Food Aisle

Hint, hint buy one or the other.

23 Adult Truths